Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm Not Graceful, But My Life is Grace-Full

"Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery. But today is God's gift - that's why it's called the present."
Every day is a precious gift. Every moment spent alive enjoying God's creation is one we don't deserve. Every second is evidence of God's abundant grace and mercy. Somehow, it's so easy to forget that, especially when the going gets tough. But these past few days have been especially full of little but tangible reminders of how very, very great God's love is for me, in spite of my attitude or behavior. It's difficult to put into words, I'm so amazed by it. It's so humbling that He still bothers to allow good things to happen in my life even while I'm in a bad mood or feeling angry or selfish or prideful or stressed. If I wasn't a Christian, I might start thinking that I must be something special, since the things I hope for keep happening. But because I am a Christian, I understand - even though I often forget - that I did and can do absolutely nothing to merit this grace, love and mercy. It seems so backwards, but the realization that I am incredibly in debt is a peace-bringing realization. And I needed peace this week.
I am so incredibly blessed beyond words. Not just these past couple of days, but every single day, hour, minute, second of my life. And all two of you (or is it just one now?) who read my blog have been a part of this recent shower of grace. So thank you.
That's all. :)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

In The Land of the Deep But Not Profound

I found this poem today. I wrote it almost two years ago on my school's Surrendering camping trip while waiting to go for a hike. It's not very original, and it doesn't make much sense but that's kind of the point I think.
I got the idea from a game (called, as I'm sure you could have guessed, The Land of the Deep But Not Profound) that the seniors were taunting the freshmen with. It didn't last very long though, because it's pretty easy to figure out, as I'm sure you'll see.

In the land of the deep but not profound
There are giggles and sniffles but no sound.
Trees have no branches,
Breezes ruffle no leaves
There are beginnings but no ends
And you can't laugh but you can sneeze.
Feet without legs
Teeth without tongues
You may think you're puzzled now
But I have just begun.
Dollars and pennies, but no quarters or dimes
Milleniums and milliseconds, and yet there is no time.
Millions and billions, but no hundredths or tenths
Books with no libraries, and common without sense.
Letters and addresses, but no pens or stamps
Butterflies and beetles, but no spiders or ants.
Happiness without fun
Sadness without grief
There is a moon, without a sun,
And grass but not a leaf.
Things are not quite as they seem
When there is coffee without any beans.
Feet with no inches, miles, or yards
Millimeters without centimeters
Speed without cards.
There is full but no empty
All but not most
Eggs without bacon
Butter without toast.
Weeks without days, months, or years
School with no teachers
Terror without fears
Pillows and sleep without dreams or beds
All of this stuff is boggling my head.
It's odd, but mysteries do not abound
In the land of the deep but not profound.

- Posted from my iPod :)


Monday, March 22, 2010

He died for ME

Lately, I've been reading through my old journals. Unlike some people I could mention, I don't happen to think keeping a journal is wimpy. =P Actually, it's been really helpful to go back and see where I was at spiritually at different times in my life (I've been journaling somewhat consistently for four years) and be able to recognize which areas I've grown in and which areas still need a lot of work.
One of the biggest, frequently recurring issues was pride. I know I'm not alone in this particular struggle, but it was still difficult to read my own words and realize just how full of myself I truly was. And am. Not much has changed in that regard, unfortunately.
I can't make excuses for it, and I know that. Very well. But it is true that in today's culture, it's extremely easy to get lost in yourself. We're bombarded from every direction with messages that tell us we're special, we're unique, we deserve to be noticed and loved and appreciated and so on and so forth.
And when I say every direction, I do mean every direction. Even in the Christian world.
Take, for instance, the popular song "Above All."
"Like a rose, trampled on the ground,
You took the fall,
And thought of ME
Above all"
So...I was so special that Jesus thought of me above everything else when He died? That's what it sounds like. (The funny thing is that anyone who hears or sings this would get the same message, which means that He thought of everyone above everyone else and that just gets confusing. Anyway.)
Then you hear people say that if there were only one person who would be saved as a result of Jesus' death, He still would have died. So, even if I was that one person, Jesus would have died just for me! Wow, I feel special. I must be something great.
But no.
Jesus died for the sins of the world. Because we couldn't save ourselves He did it for us. We were poor and helpless, trapped in our sinful human nature. We were hopeless. He didn't die for us because we did anything to deserve it. He died for us because He loved us. Because He was (and is) so great that He cared about us little vapors, us blades of grass that are here today and gone before tomorrow, and He wanted to call us His own.
Jesus died because the magnitude of the sins of the world demanded sacrifice. A pure, holy sacrifice unlike any a human could possibly ever produce.
If I was the only person who would have been saved as a result of His sacrifice, and He still died for me, that means my sins - just mine - were enough to crack that whip across His back, put that crown of thorns upon His head, mock Him, scorn Him, beat Him, and ultimately nail Him to the cross. That means my sins alone are too great for me to ever make up for. So great that NOTHING I could do EVER could possibly make me any better, any closer to being holy and saving myself. That means my sins are enough to kill Jesus, the Spotless Lamb of God.
Suddenly, I don't feel so prideful anymore.

Friday, March 5, 2010

How Great is Our God

Today at lunch, some friends, my English teacher, and I were talking about vegetables. Yes, vegetables. Or, more specifically, how they don't ripen once they've been picked. "But tomatoes do," someone said, and someone replied that tomatoes are really classified as fruits. And fruits ripen after they've been picked. Someone mentioned cucumbers as an example of vegetables that ripen. But cucumbers are in the melon family, which means they're really fruits. (No wonder I like them so much.) Then what is a pumpkin? Are squash classified as fruits? What about beans? And peas?
Bear with me, there is a point in all of this.
If biologists had to create such a complex system for classifying fruits and vegetables, one that still isn't perfect and doesn't neatly sort everything into tidy little categories - if we can't even fit "edible vegetation" into a nice little box that makes total sense to any average Joe, what does that tell us about God? If we can't sort animals into an organized, structured, faultless system, because some mammals lay eggs instead of giving birth to live young, and some animals live where it isn't supposed to be possible for their phylum or class to live, and some recently discovered animals don't seem to fit anywhere, how much more creative must God be than we can imagine?
I mean, we're still discovering animals on the bottom of the ocean, and in remote corners of the world, that don't seem to us to serve any purpose whatsoever. I'd venture to guess, though, that they have a very unique purpose that it'll take us ages to come up with. That or God just enjoys keeping us guessing. We'll probably be discovering new animal species until the day the world ends, and since we never knew about them, who knows? Maybe God just created those animals for His own pleasure. That's certainly purpose enough.
We were given dominion over animals and plant life, and we still don't completely understand them. How, then, can we ever hope to wrap our minds completely around things like the mystery of the cross and predestination and free will and grace and imminence and transcendence and God in three persons?
I have nothing against those who search out answers to these questions in the Bible, because they're so much wiser than I am. But for my part, it seems the greater my factual biblical knowledge gets, the smaller God seems. When all I'm looking for is head knowledge, I stop focusing so much on the personal relationship side. And for that reason, I prefer to leave the debating to those who know so much more than I ever will and just marvel. Our God is so much bigger than anything I could ever imagine and even though I love having all the answers, I am learning to be content in knowing that He knows and I don't. Besides, if I could fit Him in a box, what kind of God would that make Him? Not one worth worshipping forever, that's for sure. Not one who could hold the universe in the palm of His hand and yet care enough about the inhabitants of earth to send His only Son to die for them. That He is so big, so great, so loving, is truly a mystery and I hope I will never lose the wonder, and never cease to glory in who He is, as revealed to us in the Bible, and what He has done for us - neither of which I will fully understand while I remain on this earth. And maybe not even in heaven - who knows?

*It's not like I'm anywhere near perfect, or like I have all the answers. Anyone who's so much as met me knows that. I'm not judging anyone for delving deep into incomprehensible mysteries. I imagine it's really edifying and spiritually strengthening to do so. It's just that personally I would struggle with gaining a lot of head knowledge in areas like that because I like having all the answers, so to step back and be content to let God know everything and me know...well, nothing really, is hard for me. But it's really reassuring that He is so much bigger than me. I love that - that no one ever truly will understand the mysteries of God in this lifetime. It reminds me that He is more than capable of taking care of me and all my worries. That's all. :)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

New Year's

All these holidays. I want to post a lot of other stuff but since they're here and then gone for another year I figure I'd better post what I want to say about holidays now and save my other ideas for when I don't have anything better to write about.
We're four days into a new year. A new decade, depending on who you ask. And New Year's always comes with a ton of hype about resolutions and fresh starts and all that good stuff. There happened to be a blue moon on the night of December 31st, 2009/early morning of January 1st, 2010, which according to some astrologist on yahoo.com, gives people more power to fulfill their resolutions and stay on course and be positive about their progress. I don't want to know what was in her coffee the morning she was interviewed. But regardless of moons, the beginning of a new year does seem to be a good time to set goals and decide what changes to make in the coming year. A clean slate, a new day with no mistakes in it.
So in the spirit of the new year, here's my resolution.

I was gonna spell it out
In detail but
I dropped the call
Before I spilled my guts
The floor stayed clean
Like my conscience would be
'Cause if you heard anything
You didn't hear it from me

I'm sweeping up the seconds
That tick off the clock
Save them up for later
When I'm too ticked to talk
And I need some time
To search my mind
To locate the words
That seem so hard to find

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack is the thing called "tact"
And if you're always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself not to say a thing

Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
To bit my tongue

I said I'm always close-minded
With an open mouth
And the worst of me
Seems to come right out
But I've never broken bones
With a stone or a stick
But I've conjured up a phrase
That can cut to the quick

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
And the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself to keep

Quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to Your voice
Because the power of Your words
Can repair all that I destroyed

And when I finally do
Let it come from You
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You're the reason I
Found meaning in this life
So I'll swallow all my pride
And give You control
I give it to You

And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to Your voice
Because the power of Your words
Can repair all that I destroyed
And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Bite my tongue

-"Bite My Tongue," Relient K

(side note: this is post number 20, for anyone who cares. that's something of a milestone for a negligent blogger, I think :P)


- Posted from my iPod :)



Sunday, December 6, 2009

Thoughts

If everyone could read everyone else's minds, we'd probably all try to be a lot more careful with our thoughts lest we think anything offensive or embarrassing or that we would later regret for any reason. And yet, God knows every thought before we think it, but do we really try to 'keep our thoughts clean' and take them captive so that we won't regret thinking something God wouldn't approve of? Or because He won't ever hate us, do we just not care?


- Posted from my iPod :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving

I know, it's a little backwards. A post on Christmas carols and then a post on Thanksgiving? I must be dyslexic or something. Haha just kidding. No that was not a dyslexic joke Holly. Really.
Anyway.
My cousin and I both noted that aside from the abundant supply of holiday-specific food and the (not so rare) gathering of family members, last Thursday really didn't feel much like Thanksgiving. Maybe it was because we didn't go around the table listing things we were thankful for like we have done in years past. Maybe that observation is a commentary on the state of our hearts. Who knows?
Then on Sunday, I had an unfortunate incident with a kitchen knife and a cantaloupe and came home from the emergency room four and a half hours later with 6 stitches in my left index finger and 7 in my left thumb. Everything that involves using two hands, or more specifically, two thumbs and index fingers, currently takes about four times as long as it normally would. Like typing, for instance.
I'm supposed to keep my hand above my heart when I think about it, so I've been walking around my house with one hand raised like I'm worshipping.
And it was while I was doing that that it hit me.
It's so obvious. I've heard it before. But I still need constant reminders, and this was a powerful one.
Regardless of my circumstances, I SHOULD be worshipping. Every day. I don't need to be in church to lift my hands and praise the God who gave me life and breath and salvation through His Son.
Regardless of my circumstances, I should be thanking Him who gave me so much more than I could ask or imagine or even deserve. It shouldn't take a day called "Thanksgiving" for me to give thanks. Even when I'm in pain, or stressed, or tired of waiting, I need to remember that all I could ever earn is death. That I'm alive to feel those sensations or emotions is huge, and I shouldn't ever take that for granted. But I do, all the time. *hangs head in shame*
The Spanish term for Thanksgiving is "el dia de accion de gracias." The day of the action of thanks. But I don't think we should wait for a single day, once a year, to be thankful. We should be thankful every day. For every thing. Right now I am especially thankful for my eight whole fingers. And my working legs and eyes and ears and heart and my family and house and school and friends and...yeah. And when I get to use my thumb and index finger normally again, I'm going to try really hard not to forget how awful it was when I couldn't use them. And I hope to never stop being thankful, regardless of my hardships and trials. Because no matter what, in life or in death (cuz when I die I get to go to heaven, courtesy of Jesus =]) I will always be doing far better than I deserve. And that's something to be thankful for.
James 1:2&3: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Colossians 2:6&7: "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
Psalm 100:3-5: "Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."
(Interesting fact: the word "thank" appears at least 144 times in the Bible. "Thanks" appears at least 110 times in the Bible, and "thanksgiving" appears at least 32 times.)