I did something stupid yesterday.
Something so stupid that I would very much like to pretend it didn't happen at all. Something so stupid that I wish I could go back and fix that moment so that it didn't happen at all.
But no amount of wishing changes the truth. The truth is, a) it happened, and b) I have a lot to be thankful for.
Since the instant after I realized what I did, I've been saying to myself, "I can't believe I did that." It was difficult to register what happened, because I completely did not expect it, but it's not my confusion talking - it's my pride. I'm really saying, "I shouldn't be stupid enough to do that. I'm better than that. I should be perfect. Always."
But that is NOT true. Unfortunately I am a slow learner in this regard and it's going to take a LOT more mistakes, accidents, and failures to drive the point home for me. I am not perfect - only God is. I am not independent - I depend on the One who gave me life. I am not competent - it's only through Him that I can do anything good at all.
So I have an opportunity here. I can learn from my mistake and grow in my ability to accept my shortcomings and rely more fully on the eternally-sufficient grace of God, or I can keep beating myself up for something I cannot change.
While in my sinfulness I'm prone to choose the latter option, I can see God's grace at work in me through this occurrence already. In years past, I have reacted far more extremely to much less serious mistakes. I thank God for teaching me that it isn't the end of the world when I mess up, and overreacting doesn't help anyone in any way ever.
I also see His grace in that one of the first things to come to mind after the incident was a concept from the John Piper message used in last night's Speechless presentation: God is enough.
I don't give glory to God in every aspect of my life if He's only enough for me when life is good! In order to truly make much of Christ in my life, He has to be sufficient for me during the hard times, when accidents happen and I make terrible mistakes.
And He is enough - He is bigger than my stupidity, hallelujah! And even in the midst of regret, I found joy. My car was fine. The other car was fine. No one was hurt. No one was even mad at me except myself! No one (as far as I know) lost faith in me as a (mostly) capable driver. And that one moment did not negate the amazing time I got to spend with three of my favorite people (and one hilarious little brother, haha).
The truth is, it could have been SO MUCH WORSE. But it wasn't, and instead of dwelling on my mistake, I'm learning (too slowly, it seems at times) to be thankful for the blessings I receive even in the midst of trials. It amazes me that God has done so much work on me already, and I hope and pray that it continues to completion.
But while I remain a frail, fallible, accident-prone human, I hold on to this promise:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)
God is enough.
2 comments:
Good post. It is encouraging to hear about how God worked in you through something that (to everyone else) was no big deal :P. God is so caring.
He really is. Not only did He open my eyes to the bigger picture in that moment, but He gave me gracious, forgiving friends who don't condemn me for my failures. :)
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