Gratitude - or a Distinct Lack Thereof

Today, I was asking God for something yet again when suddenly I was stopped in my tracks. It occurred - or was revealed - to me that I'm so quick to ask for things I don't have, and to complain about the things I don't get. But how often do I take a minute to stop and be thankful - outside of church?
The answer's embarrassing. I rarely do that.
It got me thinking about everything I have to be thankful for, and how too often it takes something bad happening for me to be able to see all the good things that have happened. And even more often, I get so hung up on the bad that I completely ignore the good.
This afternoon, for instance. I wanted to drive my dad's car to someone's house, but it had instruments in it and he decided it would be best if he drove it home so the instruments didn't sit in the car in the sun. I was annoyed by this, as I so often am when I don't get what I want. Did I bother to think about yesterday, when I got to drive his car to Costa Mesa and back? Definitely not.
How bout the time the van wouldn't start, and I couldn't go to stables that morning? Did I think about all the times the car has worked fine and I've gotten to stables and home safely, without a problem? Nope.
Or the day my rollerblade got a rock stuck in it, and I had to walk home - did I remember all the hours I've logged on my rollerblades and they haven't gotten anything stuck in them, even though I've skated over pebbles and berries and leaves galore? Not for a second.
When I have an argument with a friend, do I thank God for all the good times we've had and all the memories we've made? Never crosses my mind.
When the weather's cruddy, do I think of all the beautiful days God has blessed me and everyone else in the area with? No way. I just complain about whatever it is - the heat, the wind, the cold.
The list goes on. And on. And on. My natural tendency is to ask for either something different than what I've been given, or for something I don't have. When I don't get what I want, I complain. Contentment isn't really in my vocabulary. Dissatisfaction certainly is. I am a complainer by nature. Nothing is good enough for me.
And yet... everything I have is something I don't deserve. The only thing I do deserve is eternal separation from God. I don't even deserve to know the difference between a good day and a bad day. I only deserve to know endless, miserable, agonizingly torturous days on end. FOREVER.
How do I forget that so easily? I never should have experienced anything good. I only should experience things that are infinitely, unfathomably worse than anything I've ever experienced. Even on the worst day imaginable, I am still blessed beyond belief.
I shouldn't know what a really sweet, ripe mango tastes like. I shouldn't know how good a cucumber tastes. I shouldn't know how majestic mountains and rivers and valleys and lakes and trees are. I shouldn't know what it feels like to accomplish something. I shouldn't know the feeling of joy, or hope, or peace. I shouldn't know what a hug from a good friend feels like. I shouldn't understand laughter or happiness or even grief. I shouldn't know what it feels like to be loved - to know I'm loved.
But I do. Because He loves me.
And still I get angry and upset when trivial things don't go my way. It's...sickening.
Change my heart, oh God. Open my eyes to Yours wonders anew, and enable me to see everything You've given to me that I could never deserve - even in the midst of difficult times. Help me to remember all the good times and things that I never should have experienced the next time I face a minor setback or inconvenience. Nothing in this life can possibly be as bad as the fate I should have known - and nothing in this life is as good as the future I know I have in Christ.
To Him be all thanks and praise.